The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
