so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
