If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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