I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
