I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
