I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she woke up with a sticky ear
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
