I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
