My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
