there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
