I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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