he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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