mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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