I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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