We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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