All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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