You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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