theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize