Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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