i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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