you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
