Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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