apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
