I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
