dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
