STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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