If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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