i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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