two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
