I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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