Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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