I got chris browned last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
