life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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