I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
