I wish I could teleport
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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