i would punch a child for taco bell
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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