My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
