All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
