when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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