You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
