Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
