So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize