Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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