Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I came so hard my ears popped.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
