Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He shit in the fireplace
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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