my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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