I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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