I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
