i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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