trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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