I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Randomize
