Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
