My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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