guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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