Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
