fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize