Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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