apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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