Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
