Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
