Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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