Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
