i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
