im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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