worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
