I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize