i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
