I got chris browned last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
