Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
