I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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