There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your cock deserves a montage
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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