She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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