I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
