The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
