so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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