i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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