That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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