you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
