I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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