No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
