What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
