Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize