He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
