No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
