I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
