well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
