I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
