I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I would ride that face into the sunset
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
