im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
