Someone shit on the floor
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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