first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
