I must be too annoying 4 u.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
