I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize