Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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