I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
