Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
