Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize