I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
