shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
