Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
