Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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