i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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