After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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