She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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