Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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