i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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