the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
