She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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